remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
