Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
