I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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