When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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