I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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