God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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