So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
