You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
