is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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