She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
