Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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