Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
