just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Don't you send me to vm
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
