I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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