I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
