Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
