dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
