If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
