I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
