this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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