Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
