just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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