I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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