We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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