we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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