Are we in a gay sports bar?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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