You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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