Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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