Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
