You can't motorboat a personality
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
