it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
