but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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