how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
