the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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