What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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