How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well I just put wine in my tea
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
