Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
