4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
