well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
