Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
