I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
