quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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