So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
