I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
me + whiskey = a bad person
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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