my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
