spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
