My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
