I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I puked a lego.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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