seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
