He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
